I am not talking about my favorite color, or what ice cream flavor or candy I prefer. I’m seriously asking, “how well do you know me?”
It is amazing to me at times to realize how “off” people are in their perception of me. Let me be fair, my husband has told me that particularly when we were in college, the way I carried myself and interacted with other people often screamed, “Buzz off!” I wasn’t trying to give off this vibe, but I was in a place where I was very determined to achieve and I had a plan to do it. I stayed on course, I found the few people I could trust and have deep relationships with, and I did what I was there to do: get a degree. I happened to meet my husband too, which was an added bonus.
My counselor through college even encouraged me to purpose to be lovable. I acknowledge that I have the tendency to put up defense barriers and make myself a bit of a porcupine to those who may be trying to love on me. Having realized this (and learned many other lessons about myself in life), this is an area I have really tried to work on-making the perception of me match my heart and true personality. So here’s a glimpse into “me”.
If you know me well, you know that I struggle to “feel” at home, always feeling torn between continents. So you can understand why my stuff, the things that make home “feel” like home, are important to me. Ultimately it’s just stuff, and if I lost it all today I would be fine, but I am also a homemaker at heart. Our family loves to be at home, enjoying the life God has given us together. I love to live in a place that reminds me of the people who hold my heart and the places where I have left pieces of myself.
If you know me well, you know that I am fiercely committed to my husband. So you can understand why I was baffled a few years ago when rumors spread that I had threatened to divorce my husband if we didn’t move overseas. Those who truly knew us laughed at the rumors, realizing that Mason was actually the one God had led to that decision. I was no where near “ready” to go. We walked through some spiritual trials early in our marriage that gave us a common enemy to focus on instead of attacking each other. I am blessed to be married to a warrior who rises to a challenge, and sees me as his helper, someone who he trusts to go through life together.
If you know me well, you know that I can be terribly indecisive at times, and in an opposite stance, instantly decisive. I have to think through details and sometimes that can weigh me down in the process. Other times, you may have caught me at a time when I have already weighed and analyzed. I have appeared fickle, or even like I may not want o do whatever I may be asked to do. Really, I’m juggling being a wife, mom, homemaker, working 3 and sometimes 4 jobs, and just trying to keep myself healthy. I’m not trying to ignore anyone or block anyone out of my life (though I’m not afraid to block you on Facebook if what you are posting or sharing about is detrimental to me spiritually) I’m really just trying to do the best with the time I have everyday, with my priorities straight: my relationship with the Lord, honoring and respecting my husband, investing and training Maddy, and everything else down here.
If you know me well, you know that I am more confrontational about conflict than I am passive. I have gained wisdom regarding when to overlook, and I can joyfully deal with that unless you are going to continue to bring it up to me in an inappropriate way. Particularly if you are bringing up drama instead of addressing the issue you have with someone. I WILL NOT BE PUT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR PROBLEM! Unless you are looking for a counselor, in which case, let’s schedule a session.
As I was thinking about some of these key values of mine, I saw this on Facebook this morning:
“The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn’t taking a ‘you against me’ stance.
The secret is realizing it’s ‘us against Satan.’ He’s the real enemy.”
-Lysa Terkeurst, posted on January 10, 2014
I am convinced that Satan wants us bickering and distracted. If he can keep us facing each other and pointing fingers, we cannot possibly be doing much in the way of spiritual growth, edifying of one another, encouraging each other towards good works, or ministering to a someone’s need. Nope, all of those glorifying opportunities are set aside to nitpick over what he or she did to hurt you.
So here’s the deal. If you know me well, you know that I would much rather you call me, message me, write me, talk to me, have a face to face conversation with me over a delicious cup of chai, and let’s deal with our issues (because we all have them and God designed us to be in relationships, so let’s make them work!) This means that you will hurt me and I will hurt you. I knew this going into my marriage with Mason, because I was fully convinced that he was a human who would choose to sin. I knew that making our relationship work was going to take compromise and ultimately God’s love. Such is the case with every relationship you have!
Forgiveness, y’all. It’s the stuff that will keep us moving forward.
So, how well do you know me?