My recent spiritual walk has been interesting. By recent I mean, the last 3.5 years. And by interesting I mean, challenging to everything I have been studied, methods and philosophy I was taught, etc. I have been through significant ministry and family trauma you could say, career change, two trans-continental moves, and become a mother.
I’m still reeling some days.
Needless to say, so is my relationship with the Lord.
I have certainly embraced my faith at a deeper level, learning to submit to Mason’s leadership as he is the head of our family. I have been challenged to forgive, release judgment, and embrace the truth of the Gospel for myself daily.
Recently I would describe myself as feeling very lost, even struggling with bouts of depression some days because I feel trapped with no escape. No earthly hope to beat the financial debt Mason and I are working to erase, or ultimately to achieve the dreams I believe God has placed in our hearts. There are just some days that I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to brag on our church (it’s truly my highlight each week) and I was incredibly challenged by the message Pastor Davey delivered about who Jesus is. We learned about the history of the rabbi and how a disciple of that rabbi would literally walk in their mentor’s footsteps for over a decade. I digested that thought a bit and thought about how I have been “walking” in my relationship with the Lord for 20 years, nearly 21 now. I haven’t always been walking though…I was writing a friend earlier and said, “I am like a small child distracted by some dandelions on the side of the path. Christ is still there, waiting for me to wake up and pay attention to my calling”
After the message Sunday morning we took communion together. One of the Scriptures shared was Matthew 26:28
“for this is my blood, which confirms the covenant between God and his people. It is poured out as a sacrifice to forgive the sins of many.”
In the moment I heard that verse, my spirit was filled with hope. The incredible power of Jesus’ blood IS my hope! No matter my sin, no matter how long I have been dawdling and picking dandelions when I should have been learning from my Savior, He has a covenant love for me!
I have an overwhelming joy through the blood of my Savior.